This Is Not The End

my past was not as bad as others. in 2018 my life was great. i had a family, a beautiful wife and a great job. at least from the outside view but in all reality, it was much worse. the abuse and cheating took its toll. I was a man that was less than. I was a hollow shell of a person. I lost my identity, I lost my family, and my job. I was homeless and hopeless.

now your probably reading this and thinking… “yep, another story about a man cheating and abusing his wife, well good for her. she left and took the kids”. well that's where you my friend would be.

in 2018 i got up it was a normal morning 0500 wake up coffee and out the door. work was going well until I got a call from an unknown (I thought it was the school), only to find out cps was at my house.

as I rushed home from work I get stopped in my driveway to find out my now ex wife was beating and choking my youngest to the point of him passing out. my fears had come to life. the abuse I sustained for 8 years now my kids were dealing with.

I had only stayed in the relationship for them to protect them and I had failed. now I had a choice kick her out and keep my kids or loose my kids (cps stated). so I got a plane ticket and sent her to her moms. with her gone I had started the process of keeping my kids doing classes and such only to have them taken anyway. little did i know this fight would not only be a custody battle but a fight for my actual life in 2019.

i was down that dark tunnel after being told i would never get custody of my kids due to my gender (male). i gave up. i felt they had the power and i was stuck dangling over a fire. i decided i was going to at least have control of one thing and that was my death.

yes in 2019 i decided to take my own life. i planned to take a trip back to my family and apologize get forgiveness for my wrong doing with my mother and my siblings. then on the way back to Ohio i would pull off in a field and end it all. i would not tell anyone, just end it on the side of the interstate so i could be found by state troopers.

now is where my life truly took a turn. see, i had always loved working on old cars and making them run again. you’re probably thinkin “what does this have to do with anything”. well on my way to start the plan something happened and to this day, i still can’t explain it.

but what i do remember is being in a garage working on a 1968 mustang fastback and asking an old man for a 15mm wrench. now if any of you now in 1965 all American cars were on standard size. as i’m asking the old man “why cant you just give the 15mm”, he grabs my shoulders and looks me in the eyes. his eyes were as blue as the sky. he says “i had to do this so you can see”.

as he lets go, i wake up in my truck in a field with my doors locked, my truck still running, 5 shells sitting on my dash, only one laying down but my gun no where in my truck. it was sitting in the passenger seat when i left my family's home. i searched the truck, extremely confused. i finally found it when i checked my tool box. mind you, the keys did not ever work for the tool box and they never worked again after i unlocked it.

i went back to Ohio, clawed my way back to the top, and now i have full custody of my kids. We struggle but we are together. this is not the full story. and this will not be the end of it either